Dear Family at Christ Community,

  Daniel and Greta Street have asked us to share with you the devastating news that they have lost their baby. During the 14 week ultrasound yesterday, they discovered that the baby’s heart had stopped beating possibly four weeks ago. Greta must now endure the painful process of delivering the baby and has asked that we pray that it happens quickly and that the baby would be intact. She has also requested that any condolences and messages be sent to Daniel (daniels2889@gmail.com) as she needs space and quiet in which to grieve.

  The Streets have also requested that we share with you as their church family some things that will be meaningful to them and some things that will not be helpful. This is a very delicate and personal time for them so we need to seek to serve them well by supporting and grieving with them in a way that will truly be restorative. We do trust that your desire is to love them well during this time so we have included some specific do’s and don’ts to help with the process. Space does not permit for us to give thorough reasons and detailed arguments for the suggestions below but we do want to hear from you if you have any questions or concerns. We want to serve you as well as these things often raise questions and doubts among us. If you have any questions about these things, additional ideas, or needs please contact Cameron at (478) 718-7957 or at cameron@christcommunitycobb.org.

  Please do let them know that you love them and are praying for them with a card or email. Keep it that simple. Remember how Job’s friends added to his grief by saying more than that. We don’t want to add to their grief. This is a delicate place where words so often fail to bring comfort.

  Please do ask them what they need at various times through this process. They will tell you specifically what would help. We need to let them guide us and set the agenda. You can also ask us here at the office as we will be keeping up with what they need.

  Please do acknowledge their loss when you see them with a loving embrace or honest confession that you don’t know what to say but that you love them. This may cause some measure of emotional response but that is okay among family. It hurts much worse to feel like people are ignoring the obvious and trying to act as if nothing is wrong.

  Please do endure in grieving with them and checking on them long after it seems that this process should have neatly wrapped up. The death of a child is worthy of our grief. We should never be okay with it this side of the new heavens and earth causing us to look forward to the return of Christ. This is why Isaiah longs for the day when there will be no more infant death. We too should long for this by grieving what is not yet true between the now and the not yet.

  Please do not say, “I know what you are going through.” While many of us have endured the pain of miscarriage and in utero loss, every situation is a different combination of complex circumstances. There will be a time and a place to share your experience with the Streets. Now is not that time.

  Please do not say, “God has a plan for you in this.” or “God will use this so that you can minister to others.” These are not comforting words for them at this time. They are hollow and unnecessary right now. They firmly recognize that God is at work though a darkness has settled in their midst. They need room for God in the Spirit to help them process this tragedy. We are a poor substitute for the Spirit. They are receiving pastoral counsel and would not benefit from these types of generalities or well-meaning platitudes.

  Please do not say, “God will provide another child.” or “God must be calling you to adopt.” These statements presume too much upon the will and providence of God. While we have seen Him work out both in the lives of others, this does not serve to lessen their current loss and pain.

  Please do not say, “You must not have been ready for a child.” This is particularly cruel and again presumes too much upon the will and providence of God.

  Please do not try to comfort them with philosophical or theological musings or ask them questions of this same order. Again, they are seeking pastoral counsel and will deal with these questions in their own timing.

  Please do not ask for medical details or offer medical advice at this time. They are being well taken care of and directed by their medical professionals. To have to answer these types of questions at this time would only serve to make them feel cold and sterile.

  Please do not critique them for announcing their pregnancy too soon. They knew that it was a risk to announce their pregnancy as soon as they did, however, they wanted to celebrate life and the goodness of God in answering their prayers for a pregnancy. They will not benefit from statements that are long on diagnosis and short on cure.

  Please do not expect Daniel to grieve in the same way that Greta does and vice versa. They will handle this in their own unique ways based on their personalities, life experience, and so on. Please recognize that Daniel’s grief is not somehow less than Greta’s, because he is a man or that he didn’t experience the pregnancy physiologically as she did.

  Please do not expect the Streets to grieve in the same way as you have or would. Grief can be a messy experience that is often filled with questions, anger, and bitterness. We want to give them the room they need to grieve uniquely and completely.

  These suggestions are not meant to be exhaustive or serve a substitute for the leading of the Holy Spirit. They are intended to help us serve and suffer well with the Streets. We do not expect you to be perfect. We will not scold you for saying or doing the wrong thing. This is a difficult process in which we want to all grow to the glory of God and for the benefit of our hurting neighbors.

  Again, thank you in advance for how you will love the Streets during this time.

In Christ,
The Session